It's weird to write this sbecause in the last entry I was so happy to be going to Edinburgh and now it's over a year later and I've made it to university here after so many visits to be with him. But I'm not with him anymore and I really haven't thought about him because it hurts too much. It only really feels like i'm thinking of his passively now as though he is somewhere in the distance and doesn't really exist. And i know he does because all my letters from all the years are on my floor and photograps of him are still on my wall and the keys i had to his flat are on my desk. I can't touch any of them yet because it hurts too much and gives me too many memories of what we had. I walked around this city yesterday and it was really hard to find anywhere which didn't remind me of him but i can't stay indoors for too long because that just makes me more sad. I don't know what to do. It comes and goes and I have friends who are helping but they live miles away from me now and nobody, including me has any money. My friends I have here are new and i really can't talk to them too much because they really will think bad things about me. I've been an awful person to live with.