I think I've made myself go back into that behaviour where everything on the outside world has to be fake and live up to everyone's expectations of my well-being.
People think that I'm happy now or happier now. I have a lot of things to be happy about, but I'm childish and ungrateful sometimes.
I am going to Edinburgh in 12 days which I'm really looking forward to do. It's something i've been wanting to do for a long time now. I want to lay around in my pyjamas with a duvet watching cartoons in his house and I want to just sit in the sun and have no worries about anything.
I sometimes want too much but I think this might actually happen.
I wonder if you ever feel that you can't get what you want and that you just come to expect that whatever you eventually get isn't the best of what's available.
It's like with my grades I never expect to get good grades and when they happen it's just so plesant and makes you want to do it again.
This feels a bit boring and pointless, I'm sorry. I think I just find it difficult to write now.
My sister stole my old notebooks from when I was aroud 14-15, she's copied some of my writings into her notebook and she shows her friends.
I don't want to say anything to her because it will make her feel bad and make me feel embarrassed and I don't want that to happen.